Sunday, December 30, 2007

I Can't Reed Good

this song
is honey.
is cinnamon and sugar.
is caramel apples.
is rice krispies treats.
is 100 ice cream sundaes.

i'm sick, with a head/sinus/chest thing.
today is day three of this shit
and i've had enough of it!
i popped into rite aid last night and
bought some cherry-flavored halls and
a box of what i thought was cold medicine.
only after i got it home did i notice
the big F-L-U slapped across the cover.
i thought fuck it, and used it anyway.
then, at some point today, i lost the nighttime meds.
i'm stuck with just the daytime meds.
which i'm hoping will work well enough on their own.

i have no plans for new year's eve.
if i go out, it'll be in the last hour.
i just don't feel well enough to party.
i may just go to the golden bear
for the free champagne toast.
i need to work early the next morning anyway.

i didn't buy the lamp.
sometimes i can be unsatisfyingly frugal.

— — —

Thursday, December 27, 2007

I Wish I Did

i still want that lamp,
but i'm kind of reluctant
to spend my money on something
i really don't need.
need is the key word here.
do i need a floor lamp.
no, i don't need it.
but i want it!
want it!
instead of purchasing a lamp,
i went grocery shopping.
that's responsible, right?
i need to eat, so i bought food.
again, the key word: need.
funny, i didn't want to buy groceries.

i bumped into a girl who remembered me
from a party several weeks back.
she looked very familiar.
i knew her face,
but i couldn't remember how i knew her face.
when she saw me, she smiled and said "hi"
in that way that people who've met before say "hi".
so then i said "hey, how are you?",
with a deer-in-headlights look on my face.
"do you remember me?" she said with a smile.
"uhmm... you look familiar..."
this pretty girl with her cute smile and cute hair
(in my defense, her hair is different than before)
not only remembered me, but
she was actually talking to me
and i can't even remember who she is!
so we small talked a bit.
i'm sure most of what i said
didn't make sense in the least.
and then as she was walking away i said,
"now, don't go changing your hair before i see you again!"
what the hell is that?!
i'm a dork.

— — —

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

What's the 'B' Stand For?

my all-time favorite gift ever
(birthday, christmas, graduation)
is the oral-b sonic complete
my sister gave to me
for christmas this year!
i just used it for the first time
i'm just blown away, feeling like
i just got up from the dentist's chair.
dentist's chair clean. that clean!
this thing makes brushing fun again.
now they need to make a flossing machine!

— — —

Monday, December 24, 2007

T(w)o-Do Lists

to-day's to-dos:
1) work.
2) reduce pile of dirty clothes by half.
2b) procrastinate with utter contentment.
3) work.
4) purchase gifts for family.
5) relax.
6) work.

to-morrow's to-dos:
1) eat a sensible breakfast.
2) open my christmas presents.
3) eat a delicious christmas dinner.
4) drink plenty of beer.
5) sleep soundly.

— — —

Monday, December 17, 2007

Best. Reply. Ever.

RE: The Message I Sent to You on 12/15. That's Yesterday.
Either you have a lot of time on your hands or you are in serious need of creative outlet! Maybe you need your own Saturday Night Live skit. It could be like 'Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy' only way funnier.

So, in regards to your message on 12/15, that's two days ago, it is strangely disappointing to learn about Gicle (how's it spelled again?). I did know what it was but when you say it with such non-poetic words as you did I find myself feeling sad and unfulfilled by my previous love for the medium. I feel that maybe you have just stripped the last bit of wonder and magic from my life by your caloused depiction. Although the finality of your previous message was quite harsh, it was completely overshadowed by the emptiness you left where my love for Gicle had once lived.

goodbye michael... maybe not forever, but at least for now.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Taking His Time Getting There, Pt. 1 & Pt. 2


i have actual cash-money,
in my pocket, as i type.
i will take this opportunity
to put the aforementioned cash-money
into my back pocket
and walk to the cornerstone cafe
to eat breakfast for lunch.
it's not exactly lunch time.
neither is it breakfast time.
would it be brunch then?
when does breakfast end
and brunch begin?
when does brunch end
and lunch begin?...
oh boy, i can almost taste
those country-style fried taters!
and i'm thinking i might get sausage and bacon!
i know, right?!

EDIT (after brunchfast):
i've just returned from eating a delicious brunchfast
(i've decided to call it brunchfast)
at the cafe two blocks from my apartment.
i had the denver omelette
(minus onions and plus cheddar)
with country-style fried potatoes and white toast.
i prefer hash browns to country-style fried potatoes,
but, unfortunately, they don't serve hash browns.
oh, and two glasses of orange juice.
i enjoy the anonymity of eating in a cafe
with a good book and some sweet tunes.

EDIT (12/15/07): apparently, i wanted to use 'aforementioned'
so much i used it two consecutive posts.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Five Bucks Will Get You...

tonights agenda (in chrono. order)
upper playground grand opening
didn't realize it opens next saturday!
find caffeine fix
drank two 20oz. coffees thinking i'd be up late. cursing myself now!
design within reach event
never made it.
the evening episode/dusty brown show
the eve. ep. cancelled.
sleep a few hours
commencing in t-minus 15-min.
holy crap! i'm not the least bit tired! i'll be worthless tomorrow.
• work

— — —

Von Iva Fuck Friday

von iva

i just danced the night away
(as much as i could anyway -
i have to start working at 5;
3 hours from now, give or take.)
i went to fuck fridays at the townhouse
and saw von iva perform and
they were amazing. i'd have enjoyed it more
if i'd have had more room to dance.
the place was packed!
which isn't really bad,
because the place was crawling
with cute girls. it was a good night.
oh and i almost lost my voice.
hopefully it works when i wake up in 3 hours!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Made In China, $2.99

somehow i got it in my head
to say adios instead of bye
every time someone says bye to me.
it's seemingly unstoppable!
i'm trying to quit and i can't!
and it's effing pissing me off!
for at least a week now,
each time someone shouts
"okay. i'm leaving. bye!",
there's my stupid face yelling back
"adios! see you later!"
... wtf!

Monday, December 3, 2007

And Then What?

it's 4:17 AM
just a minute ago
i was brushing my teeth
and for some reason...

Friday, November 30, 2007

The Unbearable Responsibilities of Life

obviously, i'm not a quick reader.
i could't read three books
from cover to cover
under the harsh conditions
smacked down upon me by the man.
my books were due back today,
so i had to renew em
using their automated helpline.
don't look at me that way!
i just don't have the patience for reading!
i have a life you know!
(no i don't)
i'm kind of a picky reader.
i enjoyed reading only one
of the three books i brought home.
i've read a few of his books
in the past couple of years,
but i still don't get brautigan.
"on the road" was a'ight.
i need to re-read it.
i'm ashamed to say
i'd never read kerouac's stuff.
but i get his style.
i've been reading murakami's books out of order.
but it doesn't matter,
because they're all fucking great!
i enjoy his novels more than his short stories.
but don't get me wrong
the short stories are great too.
i'm in the middle of reading "norwegian wood".
i'll have to buy a copy for the bookshelf.

murakami is the japanese garcia marquez.


Sunday, November 25, 2007

Bleah Bleah Blar!

i'm kind of proud of myself
for riding home safely on my bike
after drinking a few (3) pints tonight.
everyone knows i'm a lightweight.
3 beers down and i'm good to go.
i just returned home
from a great time spent
listening to the wonderful music of
the evening episode.
terra has the most amazing voice!
too bad that fucking asshole
kept standing in my way
so i couldn't see the stage!
but at least i was there and
i could hear perfectly.
i can't wait for the 2nd sat. show!

Fucking Rambo

i woke up at 4:05 this morning because
i forgot to reset my alarm clock
which was still set from the night before.
this didn't bother me so much because
my throat suddenly was very sore.
in my sleepy-headed stupor
i imagined a miniature man
had crawled into my mouth
while i was soundly sleeping and
proceeded to scrape every bit of my throat
with scary-sharp metal objects
of varying degrees of sharpatudiness.
but still was not satisfied until he
jabbed at my throat
with his relatively sized
miniature rambo knife!
you know, the knife from the movie.
yeah, that knife.
i used to have the rambo action figure.
it came with a knife, amongst other weaponry.
i could do a really good rambo voice back then.
he sounded a lot like rocky, but rambo-y-er.
i just tried and i'm still pretty good!
after remembering i live in an icebox
disguised as a small apartment,
i ducked my head under the covers.
i'm hoping this sore throat
isn't an early symptom of something more severe.
i'm refraining from using my heater
until i absolutely need it.
(i am my mother's son, after all)
and now that i've just written that
i realize now i probably need it.
it's already after noon and
i have a few things i need to do today.
i should get out of bed.
throat feels better.
i could go for a good breakfast right now.
eggs. bacon. hash browns. sausage.
the works, you know?
oh, and i need to pick up my badass end tables!
is it cold outside right now?

Friday, November 16, 2007

Just Saying

everything i want
is unavailable to me.
i'd like to run away
and not look back.

i am more than slightly intoxicated.

Oh No

pre-emptive measures:
for any confusion
due to my pretentious inclination
to write with similes
instead of saying what i mean,
i'd just like to say
the previous post was not about a venereal disease.

thank you.

The Opposite of Sneezing

it seems to be following me -
like that fucking loose thread
that keeps re-appearing
even after i've cut it off
several times already!
i think i've solved the problem,
but... yeah, here it is, once again.
clockwork is a bitch sometimes.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Change for a Dollar

i would like to throw a rope around one of those stars up there
and wave goodbye to all the little ants as i'm slowly whisked away
to a new and completely different world.

i lay here imagining all the wonderful possibilities waiting for me
if such an event should happen.

i'll need to buy more rope.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Will to Stay Apart or Oh Look! Pretty Colors!

i am scattered particles.
sigur ros is my only friend.
let me sleep, my friend,
and i will follow you
until longitude meets latitude.




Monday, October 29, 2007

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Oh, what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?
I'm a-goin' back out 'fore the rain starts a-fallin',
I'll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest,
Where the people are many and their hands are all empty,
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters,
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison,
Where the executioner's face is always well hidden,
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten,
Where black is the color, where none is the number,
And I'll tell it and think it and speak it and breathe it,
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it,
Then I'll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin',
But I'll know my song well before I start singin',
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

it's okay though

the absence of comments on this blog
makes me think nobody reads it.
this is a comfort for me,
because i only pretend i'm an extrovert.
the magic of the internet.
in reality, i secretly hope nobody ever notices me.

i'm going to my friend's wedding today and
i have no idea what i'm going to wear.
to tie or not to tie, that is the—
you know what it is.
and my trousers?
i need to go shopping
for smaller clothes.
this makes me happy and
my wallet depressed,
because it carries no money.

before we get to the wedding location,
i'm going to make lisa stop at taco bell:
(1) because i'm so hungry right now.
(2) because i deserve a beefy cheesy burrito
or whatever they're called.
(3) because i'm a jerk.

please, continue not reading my blog and
also continue not commenting.
thank you.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Time, Rain and Hot Tamales

napt the nap of all naps.

slept the sleep of all sleeps.

the last few days
of limited amounts of sleep
found their way back to me yesterday afternoon.
all of it has attacked at once.
10-hours worth forced upon me in an instant.
i didn't even feel it coming!


it was 5pm
the last time i looked at the time.
now it's nearly 10-past-3am
and i'm slightly more cognitive
than i'd like to be at such an early hour.
an indelicate use of time!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Pain or Now It Is Gone

behind my right eye.
the sensation is intermittent.
coming and going
in 5-minute intervals.
feels like a slight headache. or
in this case
a slight eye ache.
aleve isn't aleving very well.
hope i don't die in my sleep.
have to work in the morning.
hate to leave my co-workers hanging.
hot hot shower.

[i know. i know.
i should get my head checked.
i've been told.
i will. someday.]


do you think "sinatra"
is a cool name
for a dog/cat/pet?
i think
if i ever have a pet
or two or three
all of them will have names
borrowed from my favorite singers.
bob, roy, sinatra, yorke
time for dinner!

In Rainbows

they never disappoint me. never.
when I listen to this album
all i can think is "wow!"
radiohead. in rainbows. get it!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Music to My Ears

my kick-ass panasonic earphones, delivered today!

rear tire went flat yesterday evening
had to ride on it to work
and walked it home after work
took the wheel in
said "got a flat"
they said "5-min, $15"
and it took 5-min and cost $15
also finally got a headlight

sprite and hot pockets for dinner!!

Thursday, October 4, 2007


the cell phone i forget at collins lake
has had quite the adventure
in making it's way back to me.

Monday, October 1, 2007

and a wafer-thin mint

i'm like fozzie bear; stuft
spicy creole pasta w/shrimp & sausage
pieces of a vegetarian pizza
random cakes of varying flavors
huge bowl of ice cream
oh and
there was beer
the beer i drank and
the beer that i spilled
[i'm sorry lauren]

Sunday, September 30, 2007

i misplaced my cell phone.
i know where it is actually.
it's still at the lake
i was at this weekend.
luckily, measures were taken
to retrieve said cell phone
and it will be back in my hand soon.
but until then
i'm without any means of communication
besides the wonderful wonderful internet.


Thursday, September 27, 2007

dreams of lemons & sporks

re: re: dreams of lemons & sporks
your argument is logical and valid, dear cousin.
but i must remind you that it was only a dream.
dreams aren't logical. aren't supposed to be.
they exist in your brain/mind. in their own
infinite universe/dimension/reality/space.
a logical dream would be quite boring!

and then there're nightmares. most of which
aren't based on anything logical whatesoever!
(e.g. big scary monsters, bunnies, etc.)

but i digress... what i mean to say is this:
my dreams have lemon trees that produce lemons
and sporks! lemon-flavored, spork-shaped sporks! yeah!

your favorite cousin


Sunday, September 23, 2007

cools & replenishes /254g

i missed your call
i missed everything.
i missed your call.
i missed sushi.
i'm sorry!

fuck, i'm hungry!

i feel like shit today.
mentally and physically.
i napt most of the afternoon.
i decided i'm going to start using 't',
instead of 'ed' for past tense purposes.
like just now when i wrote napt, instead of napped.

i wish i had a car,
so's i could go to in-n-out.
they stay open until 1am or something.
although they don't sell sushi.
i had my heart set on sushi
so bad too. you know though,
they may sell sushi and just don't tell people.
they have that secret menu you can order stuff from.
animal-style sushi would be interesting.

i'm hungry!
i'm going to eat my left arm.
but just the inside part, so people walking next to me won't know.

i'm gonna walk to in-n-out.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Man w/Mobile Phone Needs to Get Out Mahway

i was at the laundromat earlier,
sitting outside to people-watch
and flip through the new issue of dwell
when i realized that i didn't know where my ipod was.
i haven't used it since it started dying on me. it's old.
bought it in 2001. that's right, 2nd generation. early adoptor, that's me.
the new nanos are eye candy for eyes with a sweet... tooth.
anyway, so where the hell is my ipod?!

the one with no arms

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Baldness or Killing Them with Kindness

the old man with the freshly shaved scalp
told me that i should start shaving my head
—instead of buzzcutting it like i do—
so my bald spot can't be noticed.
my first thought was to tell him
"you're a rude old man
who needs to mind his own business"
instead i took the high road and
told him that i really don't give a shit
that my bald spot is showing
but i didn't say the shit part and
i guess that's not really the high road
is it?

Saturday, September 8, 2007

5 May

(a brief discussion took place at dinner in a thai restaurant)

It's really coming down outside," she said.

I turn and look. "Wow! It sure is. Hopefully it'll let up before we leave."

"I like that saying... and people that say it." She lowered her tone and said it again, "Boy, it's really coming down outside!"

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Pâtisserie et Confiserie et Bâtiment de Bateau

The plan for today was to wake up at nine o'clock, catch the bus to the Amtrak station, ride the 9:20 westbound train and be in San Francisco by 11:30. That was the plan until last night when I discovered that prices for a one-way ticket on the Capitol Corridor have gone up. What used to be $16 (I think) is now $21. That's $42, round-trip! It's not worth $42 to be in SF for only 2-hours.

All of this planning was made just so I could get to the Ferry Building and buy some parisian macarons. Silly, yes, but I want some. I've never had them, but I hear they're pretty tasty. Now I'm all gung-ho for some. Anyway, early last week, I almost bought some online, but the shipping fees were so expensive, I thought it might be better if I went in person and enjoyed some nummy french pastries looking out at the Embarcadero.

The thought of ruining my day-off to get to San Francisco was enough to get me to jump online and order some macarons last night. And just one-minute ago, I received an e-mail stating that my order has been shipped and on the way!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Do Look Down

Scenic Roadside Lookout in Norway
by Todd Saunders Sivilarkitekt

art school dropout

I got a horrible letter from my school in yesterdays snail-mail. It seems that despite the two unexpected (and probably undeserved) B-minuses I got last semester, my GPA is still just a hair below the cut-off point for federal financial aid eligibility. The gubment don't wanna give no money to a shitty student. So, either I come up with several thousands of dollars of my own money or I accept the fact that school just isn't my thing. The latter is less expensive and makes sense to me at this point. For the second time in three years, I'm an art school dropout!

+ I may go to the art store and buy some supplies for making linocut prints. I've never done any sort of printmaking, so this'll be a learning experience. I always wanted to learn screenprinting, so I may sign up for a printmaking class at the community college this spring. $11/unit is much nicer to wallet than $550/unit.

+ (Netflix Movie Review #1) Talladega Nights was funny, but not so funny that it makes me want to see it again. And not so funny that I'll be quoting it for the next few weeks, like Anchorman (shit, I still quote Anchorman and it's been out how long now?). It might have something to do with me not understanding the appeal of fast cars going 'round and 'round a track 200 to 500 times. Nascar bores me. (NFMR #2) Beerfest is hilarious and is my second favorite Broken Lizard film, after Super Troopers.

Saturday, January 6, 2007

cheese is bad. cheese is good.

I just got back from the café around the corner, after a sudden pang for coffee (Why I needed a coffee at midnight, I don't know.) and maybe something to eat. When I was standing in line, I could already taste the Veggie Cheese Lasagna, all hot and tasty. When I got to the register, I asked the guy if the vegetables were chunky or finely cut. He said he couldn't remember and went back to the kitchen to check. When he came back, he told me the carrots and broccoli (How do you spell broccoli?) were the biggest chunks. But even before he returned from the kitchen, I had already changed my mind and was craving a Quesadilla with Chips & Salsa. Only then did he finally say, "Well, actually, other than stuff we can microwave, like the burritos, we can only make nachos. The kitchen is closed." The place stays open until 1am, yet they close the damn kitchen at 11! So, I got a mocha and a banana muffin and came home. I didn't need all that cheese anyway.

+ It's so cold outside, I was freezing despite wearing a knit scarf and knit sweater. The wind was going right through me. And I need to buy gloves. Brr!

+ Netflix sent me The Machinest. I saw a behind-the-scenes interview with Christian Bale and he said that he starved himself to get as grotesquely thin as he was in the movie. Talk about "method". He said he didn't eat for weeks. I know, logically, that's a bad thing to do, but for a second there I thought, "Damn! I should do that shit!" Not more than an hour later, I was in the Taco Bell drive-thru. I have no self-control!

+ Netflix also sent me Sketches of Frank Gehry. Being the big architecture-ist and design aficionado that I am, I can't wait to watch this quasi-documentary. Quasi, only because Sydney Pollack chose to produce the film in a non-traditional manner (If that makes any sense).

+ L'Eau d'Issey Pour Homme. I wear it and I love it, but nobody else seems to notice it. Before you buy a cologne, you imagine yourself walking into a room and hearing someone say, "Oooh! Who smells so good?" and then you say, "Oh, it could be me", while you feign a certain amount of modesty. At least, that's what goes through my mind anyway. And I haven't heard a word from anyone! So, either they can't smell it and I need to spray on more OR they can smell it and don't want to offend me. I don't want to go back to wearing Polo Black (Or do I?). That was a disappointing purchase.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

[ the art ( walk ] of shame )

I must preface this with telling you that I am drunk and drunk posts are always fun to look back upon the following day, right? So, it was "Second Saturday" in Sacramento tonight. "Second Saturday" is exactly what it is, the second Saturday of every month, most galleries in the downtown/midtown area of Sacramento stay open late and have live music and free wine and food. So tons of people come down and it gets really crowded in certain galleries. So, my friends and I went out, but first I went out on my own because they weren't meeting up at their house until 8 and I started at 7, because there was a certain gallery that I wanted to see, because there was a band that was playing at that particular gallery, but I had to leave in order to meet up with my friends at their house. We ended up not going back and I missed the band I wanted to see, but we went to a few other galleries that I hadn't even known about but had really great stuff showing. And it's not even close to midnight yet and we stopped at a couple of places that serve alcohol and now I'm drunk a little, but not a lot. We also stopped at cool little store that I'd always wanted to go to, because it has awesome locally designed clothes and accessories and music and things. I went in earlier when I was walking around on my own, but I didn't realizee they had gloves, which I had been looking for earlier at Target and Old Navy. Do you know that those stores don't sell gloves or don't have them in stock anymore?! It's the middle of winter and they don't have any gloves! That's like it being in the middle of the rainy season and not having anymore umbrellas! What's up with that? So, I found some gloves there when I went back because I saw that they have Vice Magazine in their glass case and I asked if they were for sale, even though I know Vice is free and the girl that owns the place said that they are free with a $5 purchase, so I bought a CD that I'd always wanted and I knew they carried which was $10. So I got the magazines I wanted only after I got the CD that I wanted but didn't know I was gonna get until I wanted the magazines. But only after I bought the CD did I realize to ask the girl if they had gloves and she said they did and they were on the table right behind me and I looked at them but they didn't look big enough to fit me. She said they were one size fits all and I should see if they might fit and they did, so I got some. They were only $7. So I ended up spending money when I didn't want to spend any money tonight because I'm really strapped this month. But then later we went found a bar/lounge that had a showing of one of our friends photos and I ended up buying a double shot of Maker's Mark which was a mistake only because it was over $13! And then we went to the bar that's around the corner from my house and my friend asked me if I wanted to go halvies on a pizza and since I hadn't eaten all day, I agreed to buy her a beer if she paid for the pizza, so that was another $8 plus tip. Shit I spent way more money than I should have, but I'm feeling pretty damn good right now so fuck it, right? Goodnight! Funny how I want to write so much more when I'm not sober. Also, I don't give a shit about sentence structure, however I hate incorrect spelling, so you won't find any of that here. I can even format the fucking tables that I use for each post! Goodnight again.