Saturday, February 23, 2008

And Then I Said, "Dude, Those Aren't Raisins!"

i don't write many handwritten letters, but a very serious subject has recently come to my attention and i must take drastic measures if i want this life-altering situation to be resolved.

recently, i sought the help of a certain "acquaintance" with whom i've desperately tried to disassociate myself. this "acquaintance" has an unmatched expertise with this type of thing.

i mailed the following letter last week:

dear facial hair,

i need a favor of you. could you, please, have a talk with scalp. he's been looking kind of sad lately. i think it may be due to his inability to... you know "produce". that sort of thing sure can bring a guy down. have you seen him lately? he's losin' it, man! so, i thought if you had a little talk with him, maybe you could coach him. give him a few pointers. i think maybe he might listen to you. i mean, look at you these days! you're a fucking beast! just help the little guy, will ya? please? he needs it. i don't know what else to do.

i'll owe you big time!

be well,
michael



in today's mail, i received a response:

baldy!


that sonofbitch!

Monday, February 18, 2008

So Weit Wie Noch Nie

for some reason my tv no longer wishes to display color.
it has something to do with the s-cable.
i know this because the color will come back
if i wiggle the s-cable plug behind the tv.
so annoying, but at the same time much cheaper
than buying a new tv.

— — —

George. Abe. Thanks Again.

today's itinerary:

01. the ups store
- return peacoat and hat

02. grocery store
- tomato sauce (3 cans)
- 1 lb. ground beef
- deodorant
- t.p.

03. art supply store
- pencils; hb (4), 2b (2), 6b (2)
- set of microns

04. laundromat
- whites


i need to return a peacoat i bought last week.
it's a bit too big. needs to be more snug.
and the hat i got looks lame in person.
internet images aren't much help sometimes.
the items were sent to me through ups,
so, ups to send 'em back, right? wrong!
the retailer uses a p.o. box for returns.
this makes no sense, because
ups can't delivery to a p.o. box!
i had to go to the post office across town. but...
as i was locking up my bike,
the homeless guy sitting nearby
graciously informed me that today is president's day
and the post office is closed.
shit.

the laundromat was packed today.
obviously an effect of the national holiday.
ah well. laundry tomorrow then.

— — —

Friday, February 15, 2008

Makin Dins

ok, so you are in your kitchen (or the kitchen of your dreams), you have all the groceries you need, the lighting is just right and you have cracked a bottle of red wine. what music do you put on to cook with? top 3. go!

01. Radiohead - The Bends
(medium rare steak filet, creamed spinach, garlic mashed potatoes)
02. The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
(chicken floutas)
03. The Beastie Boys - License to Ill
(grilled pork tenderloin, buttered asparagus, baked potato w/tons of butter!)

ha! that was fun!
i started thinking more about the meals i'd cook
than the bands and albums i'd listen to.

Wave After Wave of Blood Rushes to My Cheeks. Blush!

ups has the oddest customer pick-up procedure.
i don't have the peacoat (and hat) i've been waiting on
because they couldn't leave my package on my doorstep today.
they need a signature upon delivery. sucks!
i came home to find a notice stuck to my door,
on which there are no directions for customer pick-ups.
i called their 800 number.
they said, "give us your phone number.
the local guys'll call you back."
(that's not an exact quote)
fifteen minutes later, the local hub calls.
they said, "you pick up! between 9:00, 9:01! yes?!"
(no, that's a lie)
they said, "sir, you may pick up your package tonight.
it will be ready between 9:00 and 10:00 PM. see you then!"
(that might not be quite right either)
so, uh... yeeeeah! isn't that insane?!
fedex usually has it ready for pick-up 'round 6 at the latest!
effing ups, man.
all of this because i'm too impatient
to wait the entire weekend for a monday delivery. ha!

— — —

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Like Floating Cotton Candy

sun is out in all it's splendor. big, open cerulean sky with big puffy clouds dancing with the wind. you think to yourself "it's such a lovely day to go to the beach." you pack a small, but delicious lunch, get the pooch ready to go and head for the door, but wait... you need some tunes for the beach! top 3 albums for a day at the beach. go!

01. life without buildings - any other city
02. sufjan stevens - come on feel the illinoise!
03a. erlend øye - dj-kicks: erlend øye
03b. bob dylan - the freewheelin bob dylan

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Will You Stay Here While I Make My Career?

Someone stole the front wheel
and seat off of my bike today.
i had to walk to the nearest cycling shop
and buy each part, which means
not just the wheel and the seat,
but the wheel, tire, innertube, plug,
seat, seat post and all the little parts.
it got really expensive, really fast.

today no bueno.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

A Terrible Disgrace

i'm pissed at myself for not being able to vote yesterday.
not that my vote would have helped obama any.
hmph!