recently, i sought the help of a certain "acquaintance" with whom i've desperately tried to disassociate myself. this "acquaintance" has an unmatched expertise with this type of thing.
i mailed the following letter last week:
dear facial hair,
i need a favor of you. could you, please, have a talk with scalp. he's been looking kind of sad lately. i think it may be due to his inability to... you know "produce". that sort of thing sure can bring a guy down. have you seen him lately? he's losin' it, man! so, i thought if you had a little talk with him, maybe you could coach him. give him a few pointers. i think maybe he might listen to you. i mean, look at you these days! you're a fucking beast! just help the little guy, will ya? please? he needs it. i don't know what else to do.
i'll owe you big time!
in today's mail, i received a response: