w. n. t. g. o. a. r. t. u. t. p. a.

around the turn of the century (it's funny, when i think of "turn of the century", i still think 1899-1900), my sister and i took a road trip up to portland, oregon (and seattle). we drove to the oregon coast, took in sights in the still budding pearl district, and hiked around the waterfalls that feed the columbia river gorge. it was at these waterfalls, that i slipped down a seemingly non-steep embankment of a little tiny stream and fell back onto my backpack. luckily, my backpack broke my fall, so i didn't get the wind knocked out of me and came away with just a few scrapes and bruises.

it was only later that i realized that a horrible tragedy had occurred. my backpack had broken my fall all right, but so had everything in it, including my 1-year old slr, a minolta maxxum 350si. i was about to snap a photo of a beautiful waterfall, when all signs of life sputtered away, never to return.

after several attempts to have it fixed, i gave up and went digital. i bought a canon powershot a80, which brought me many years of satisfaction, despite not being an slr.

last year, when i bought a canon 400d dslr, my world exploded. suddenly, all i could think about was cameras and creating awesome images. but even then, still in the back of my mind were memories of my beloved minolta. i wished she was still working. what if she'd never died that day? i'd have so many awesome photos, right? i had to get another one just like it!

i started researching prices online and discovered that maxxum 350si camera bodies are really cheap these days! in a matter of days, i'd won one on ebay. it was in great condition and came with a lens. and today, it came in the mail! i switched out the crappy minolta lens with the quantaray lens from my broken camera, checked the batter was charged, and loaded it with a new roll of film. it's ready to use and i'm so fucking siked right now!

today i was an evil one

wendy and lucy



michelle williams is an underrated actress. i haven't seen the film yet,
but from what i'm seeing in this trailer, i think she does an outstanding job here.
after i see it, i'll let you know if i've gone and stuck my foot in my mouth.

as loudly as a crazed horse on a wooden bridge

sputnik sweetheart is a thin book, so it should've taken a day for me to read. it took me two months (or more. probably more), because i get distracted easily and start doing and reading other things. whenever i want to escape from reality (which is often), i reach over and grab a murakami. it doesn't matter which title it is, it'll always calm me down and take my mind to the other side of the world. many of the online reviewers expressed disappointed with the ending of sputnik sweetheart, saying it was too ambiguous and incomprehensible. but i liked the way it ended. i liked the innuendo. it left me with questions that, if answered in the book, would have ruined the beauty of the story. did he? didn't he? was it her? was it a dream? i like that. i like being left to ponder the possibilities. i never used to... until i read my first murakami book. now i'm reading blind willow, sleeping woman. i wonder what murakami is working on right now. will it be on bookshelves soon?

his deeply guarded secret

1

i had the day off and all of my friends were at work, so i was stuck at home with nothing to do. i tried to stay in bed as long as i could. i tossed and turned until the brightness of the sun forced me out. the heat made the air in my bedroom thick and stale. i kicked the covers off the bed and laid there for a bit before i got up. i staggered my way to the kitchen. i fixed myself a giant bowl of corn flakes. tons of sugar with just enough milk to make it soggy. i plopped down on the couch and flipped through the mindless daytime programming on tv. it made me nostalgic for the times they'd show andy griffith and green acres reruns during the noon hour. now it's just judge show after judge show. it's all trash. nothing good anymore.

cereal milk is the reward for eating each and every flake, but it makes me thirsty. i checked the fridge for some water. no luck. i had my last bottle the night before and my tap is hard as nails, so i decided to walk to the convenience store. i hit the power button on the remote and tossed it on the couch on my way out the door.

mr. gardner was my next door neighbor. he always came home for his lunch break. i guess it was a little after 1 pm. he was standing at the end of his driveway, flipping through his mail. any junk mail immediately went into the nearby trash can. i waved, but i don't think he saw me.

walking down the street, i could see the new house that had just been built on the corner lot. the lot had been vacant for as long as i could remember. now, there was a large monolithic house taking up most of the lot, leaving enough space for a driveway wide enough for three cars and a tiny front yard with the greenest grass in the neighborhood. the house was long and wide with only a few windows. the modern white fence that wrapped around the entire lot looked sturdy and secure. but it wasn't very tall. i'd have to squat a bit to rest my chin on it.

as i turned the corner, the idea to take a quick look before going to the convenience store took hold of me. suddenly i was intrigued by this house so much, i had to see it closer. i stepped lightly as i walked on the narrow patch of grass at the front of the fence and i peeked over. my eyes widened. my mouth dropped. my heart skipped a beat. for that moment, i felt like i was looking at the most beautiful thing in the world. a pool, filled with crystal-clear water was less than five feet away from me. i thought it must be olympic size. my apartment could sit in it and still have room to stretch it's legs.

i hung there, my arms wrapped over the fence, watching the water move with the slightest breeze. it was so quiet at that moment. the only thing i could hear was the sound of the small waves slapping the walls of the pool. it was asking me in. and i accepted the invitation.


2

"hey!"

my ears were submerged underwater, so i couldn't quite hear whatever was said after that. i opened my eyes. the sun was bright, but in my peripheral i could see a figure standing over me. i stood up in the water and tried blinking the water out of my eyes. once i could focus properly, i could see it was a man trying to get my attention. he was waving his arms. i cocked my head slightly to get a better look. he was holding a very nice leather briefcase. it was the perfect match to his business suit. i thought that he must have taken a great deal of time to choose his outfit that morning. i waded over to the side of the pool and shot him a look that i felt showed him how inconvenient this was for me. he had some nerve disturbing me.

"hey, are you hearing me?", he asked. "i asked you what you think you're doing! this is mine. not yours."

"oh! i'm sorry", i said, feigning naivete. "i didn't know. i'll leave. i just have to find my clothes. do you see my shoes? are you happy here?"

i'd laid my clothes neatly at the edge of the pool, but far enough away so i wouldn't accidentally splash them with water. the man picked them up and threw them at me.

"now get the hell out of here before i call the police", he said. as he walked away, i heard him mumbling. "people don't respect other's property anymore. this neighborhood..." he must have had a bad day.

i gathered up my wet clothes and walked to the fence i'd climbed over earlier. i took one last glance at the pool. such a shame, i thought. i said to myself, "if a man owns such a nice pool like that and he doesn't want people using it, he should buy a proper security fence."

i like talking to myself a lot, but not so loud that people around me will notice. i don't need people thinking i'm insane. "jesus, it's hot today! it was only in the 80s just yesterday."

part 1



story: mchl mchl

and then i said it /without hesitation /finally

i'd like to rant for a moment about the headache that's causing my day to be a shitty one, but first i'd like to mention that i've come to believe that i may have a slight allergic reaction to olive oil. not just any olive oil, though. after oiling up some spaghetti last night, then waking up this morning with what felt like a swollen throat, i've come to the conclusion that "e-v-o-o" is not my best friend. odd, because the extra light olive oil i used prior to this one didn't effect me in anyway. so, from now on, i'll be buying the light stuff to drown my pastas and breads. so about that headache... it's driving me bananas! it's not a full-fledged headache. nor is it just a lingering one. it's sort of in between, where it's just bugging the hell out of me and has turned my nice, perfect weather afternoon into a funkified malaise! i need to remember to breathe. inhale. 1-2-3. exhale. repeat.

secret signal

notte sento



napdan



thank you amanda

heart healthy

sophie madeleine — "beard song"

directions to the hospital in less than ten seconds

animal collective — "my girls"

thirty-two years later

i woke up too early this morning.
i wanted to sleep until noon.
i stayed in bed for a while.
i daydreamed a little.
i staring at the ceiling.
i propped myself up to check the time, clock showed 8:30 AM.
i had birthday wishes on my blackberry already.
i got a text from sarah, wanting to get breakfast.
i told her i was going to noah's and peet's.
i said i'd meet her for breakfast.
i didn't know where we'd eat, since noah's was packed.
i told her i was walking, but i rode my bicycle.
i met her at peet's, where i got a coffee.
i was complimented for my hat. "nice hat."
i was craving an egg mit. she suggested corner stone.
i immediately said yes, seeing how it's my standby.
i got my usual sunrise omelette. she got eggs benedict.
i didn't finish mine like i almost always do.
i offered my leftovers to angela. she accepted.
i found myself another coffee.
i hung out with lisa for a while.
i rode my bicycle home.
i kicked my shoes off.
i started writing a blog post titled "thirty-two years later".
i thought it'd be cool to start every sentence with "i".
i am having a fine day.

do you remember

william lamson
emerge



via swiss miss

i could listen to that one all day all night

despite feeling under the weather, i had a moderately productive day. i paid my rent. (always on 5th of the month, like clockwork.) (calendarwork?) i picked up a late lunch and a coffee. i think the caffeine might've got my blood flowing. and the veggie fried rice and orange chicken from panda express perked up my energy levels just enough to turn the day into an enjoyable one. met some friends on my way home; five of the cutest girls you'll ever meet. the sky is blue with giant puffy clouds, but those aren't happy clouds. they're all dark gray, filled with rain, ready to dump on us. but they're few and far between, so the sun is shining bright and it's beautiful!

she promised me the open sea

piero golia
killer shrimps



iloyoli