modern dancer

dreams of dancers last night.


i was working at a coffeehouse again and
we were auditioning dancers to work at the coffeehouse.
i'm not sure why, but we were. and i was there to... judge?
i'm not sure of that either, but i was there, sitting at the
head of the table. i had the knowledge and confidence of a
knowledgeable and confident judge of dancers.


the best part. her.


the. best. part. her. she.


she was the in-between auditioners entertainment.
she slowly walked to the middle of the floor and performed
the most graceful and elegant dance i'd ever seen. her expression
was serious and full of emotion. you could feel the warm energy.
like waves or pulses of warm, buzzy, goodness.
before you know it, she was done and
the next auditioner was up.
i only saw her dance once,
i knew she'd dance again.
and again. and again.


dreams are dreams are dreams.

then, the ocean

the ocean beckoned and i came a-coming.


i skipped yoga, because i felt it was okay.
i wouldn't feel guilty about missing one day of practice--
seeing as how i've been going twice a day lately. so, instead
of grabbing my mat and yogitoes, i grabbed a couple of cameras,
a bottle of water and i was out the door. i briskly walked toward
the train station, but i was 20-blocks away and only had 10-minutes
to catch the next train. missed the first one. i stopped and bought
a coffee, sat down and chilled for a bit in the morning sunlight.
i checked my email and checked my voicemail.


unbeknownst to me, she called my three times
and texted another three times. my phone had been turned off,
because i hate when phones go off in the middle of yoga practice.
i listened to her messages several times, as i was not quite awake.
i tried to make sense of the timeline in which she sent them. apparently,
it was throughout the latter half of the day. realizing this, i suddenly felt
sorry that i wasn't able to reply sooner. i sat in my thoughts for a moment,
but couldn't stay put for long, the next train was due to leave in
30-minutes. barely made it aboard. i had to run for it.
literally. it's actually one of my simple pleasures.
it's how one should board a train; running after it
and hopping aboard just as the train begins
to pull away from the platborm.


i called her a couple of times
on my run to catch the train. no answer. voicemail.
i can't remember what i said. my mind was a whirlwind.
i worried that my legs weren't long enough to get to the train on time.
i walked light and quickly.


all i could think about was her. i felt uncomfortable.
a day earlier, i felt comfortable. i thought we were in a good place.
but somehow, i had burdened her with something heavy enough to
cause a need for her to contact me throughout the day.
a 2.5-hour road track trip with her.


i found myself walking through golden gate park,
trying to be lost. lose my mind in the trees. it worked.
something about the smell of wilderness. makes me think of childhood.
good times. carefree. now, as adults, life weighs down on us,
until we need to escape back to the good times.
good memories.


i exited the park on the west end.
never thought i'd find it. a few times i thought maybe
i was being tracked by a mountain lion. absurd right, a mountain lion
in golden gate park. maybe. maybe not.
homeless people sound like
mountain lions inside
urban parks.


the beach.



then, the ocean.



all was right.